Have I lost my first love?

Recently this question was posed to me. Humm . . . The world might think that it was referring to my husband, the absolute love of my life. It’s actually referring to “My Lord Jesus Christ”. As I reflect on Rev. 2:4; "But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first!” I have to ask myself if I am guilty of losing my first love.

As my mind travels back to the time when my Husband and I were called into full time ministry, I am reminded of the excitement, the desire, and anticipation of a life fully focused on serving our Lord, his people, and leading them to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. I have to ask myself; “Where did that passion and excitement go?” Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of anxiety and uncertainty at what lay ahead but always a peace that comes from being completely in God’s will and doing what he has called you to do.

You see, my husband and I had spent over 20 years in Corporate America while serving faithfully in our local church before God called us into full time ministry. My naïve mind thought that our lives would be void of the worldly trivial frustrations we had endured up to that point. Somehow I thought that; there would be no more family arguments, no more frustrations over how to spend money, no more stresses at work, no more hurt feelings or misunderstandings, I would be accepted and integrated into whatever local church body God called us to quickly and easily, there would be no more gossip or unkind words, others would want to be involved with our ministry, etc. Of course it would be different, after all, isn’t Gods work far more important than anything else we might do? I can’t imagine what I was thinking. . . .

The devil took this opportunity to show me that when you submit to God’s will for your life – he will attack with a vengeance, and we experienced that in full force. Over the next several years, we would see relationships fracture, finances flail, health falter, and ministry fall. We experienced / endured attacks that were unfathomable, at least to us, but we had survived. That’s right; we had survived, only survived. I can’t say we were victorious though.

With that said, I return to the original question; “Have I lost my first love?” I must confess that I have. I have allowed inappropriate / unrealistic expectations and circumstances to rob me of the love I had for God and His people. For that I ask forgiveness.

You see when God called Ron and I; he never said it would be easy. In fact, scripture tells us in Matthew 16:24; “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” What part of”take up his cross” did I think would be easy? I find my answer in 1 Peter 2:21; “For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.” While that does not sound enticing, I find encouragement in Hebrews 12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” and James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds”.